ameliakyogaSecond Day #postpartum. I can't believe it hasn't even been 48 hours since baby Landon was born. Part of me feels he was more real when he was still inside of me. I was under general anesthesia when he got rushed to NICU and took so long to stabilize I didn't get to see him for what seemed like a lifetime. I know he's ours because he looks just like the two of us, but it's hard to believe that this boy is the same one that was so lively and healthy inside of me only a few days ago. ***
While today was harder because the numbing effect of all the drugs in me were wearing off, there were some highlights: Getting discharged early from Women's hospital so I could move to the NICU where hubby and I got a beautifully furnished room, with a king size bed, reserved for the most serious NICU parents; being able to spend more time with Landon now that I can sit and even and stand longer; pumping colostrum and using it for cleaning his mouth even though he can't eat; changing his diaper since he passed his first meconium today; chatting with our incredible nurses, doctors, doula and social worker all who have been so supportive; having some very special moments with my husband and deciding we would be strong and try to use this experience to help others going through similar trauma. ***
The hardest part was not being able to hold Landon because of all the tubes he is hooked up to, and the cooling protocol he is being kept on for 72 hours to keep his body hypothermic & maybe heal his brain. And finding out that not just his brain but his heart and kidneys are failing. And seeing all these very sick babies all around us crying and kicking and breathing, and realizing that we will probably never hear our baby cry, see him wiggle his little fingers and toes, or drink my milk.
Thank you everyone for being so amazingly supportive. Even though I'm finding it emotionally hard to read all of your comments and messages right now, I read a few at a time and find it is really helping me grieve and come to terms with what is happening. I don't feel so alone, and I think Landon can feel that too. Much love, Amelia.
- lluupitaahh#bestoflandonslegacy ... the moment you talk about being able to meet Landon... ❤❤❤
- krisselizabeth#bestoflandonslegacy crying all over again
- kristinkrall#BestofLandonsLegacy my heart is breaking and tears are flowing all over again . . . Praying for you Amelia.
- lainnnnnaa_7654I absolutely feel for what you had to go through I went threw the same may the 12th till may the 19th where my baby went through the same steps as it beautiful bubba! With the cooling and re heating I still ask myself how did the baby I was carrying so healthy and then to be born and have these problems if you don't mind me asking what was it that your baby had wrong my beautiful little girl had pollymicragyria and a sevre case off epilepsy xxxx
- fitlizz@chiskysworld this is the Girl I was telling you about, through tragedy and loss she journaled her pain and sorrow in instagram. She writes how Journaling her journey of grieving really helped her heal.
- naschue@sayrahsc she journaled her whole experience of hurt and healing. Used her experience to help other women in the same position. This woman is an angel just like her baby boy
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