Tap video for sound
Video
1,896 likes
  • drandallblytheI never thought I would ever be writing something like this, but here is an update on the condition of my penis: HE IS 100% RECOVERED & FULLY FUNCTIONAL, COMPLETELY CAPABLE OF PERFORMING ANY OF HIS NORMAL DUTIES. No scarring, so scabbing, no PTSD. He's good to go. I suppose it took a while (like a week) for the metal "news" sites to pick up this obviously very important story in the world of heavy metal, but they did (I guess they will run anything, or it must be a slow week- I wrote that story here just to give y'all a few laughs- damn, all I did was dump hot coffee on my unit- I'm sure it happens to someone everyday). Now I am getting texts from my friends saying things like "Ouch! Are you ok?" or "I'm really, really, sorry about The Captain, dude"- while the sudden outpouring of concern for the welfare of my penis is heartwarming indeed (it brings a tear to my eye, it really does), it's not like someone tried to chop him off or he suddenly developed the ability to do calculus or something- now THAT would have been worthy of the news. Anyways, with penises, just as with all things in life, that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. This video is from just two days ago, well after the scalding incident in question- I ask you, my friends- is this the wipe out of a man not in full command of his penis? Would a man suffering the agony of penile distress have the presence of mind to wave goodbye to the camera so gracefully? NO, HE WOULD NOT. My dude was a little sore for two days- that's it. Ok, that's enough about my penis- I shall never mention him here again. (ps- I am VERY careful with coffee in the car now, always using the cup holder)

  • giacomotonyoloSolstafir!! What an awesome band for an awesome moment 😂 happy for your dude
  • janneke_deathmetalqueenBadass!!! :) \M/
  • shales1977I like your music group not your Dick... No offense. Glad your ok, though.
  • pihneappleNext time don't drink coffee while getting a blow job. Lesion learned. Watch out for speed bumps next time.
  • thefooseislooseRandom penis comment
  • linda_snowmagic😂 Randy hahah how can anyone not love you hahahah I adore reading everything you post. From beautiful to emotional to just so funny ❤️keep being you haha don't change
  • dktur@metalvendor
  • gh_stefaniakI'm starting to get into photography and could I get a tip on a good camera? Something pretty good but easy for a somewhat novice? I've been told the Nikon D3100 but would like your take? @drandallblythe
  • bruce3musicComin to the Norva tonight?
  • hizlivekofteliThis is the funniest fucking post that I've ever read from a metal frontman.You're awesome dude. AND THE MUSIC YOU'VE MADE IS AWESOME BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT SO WE CAN SKIP THAT.
  • winstonandchelseySolstafir \m/
  • jamie.herringtonWait, it's weird if my penis can do calculus? I sure as fuck can't, but my penis can. Damn show off...
  • sanjadorji@rahul099kumar
  • lemortjoyeux8Lmfao!!!! I thought the same! Seemed like the biggest news in metal was ur story!!!
  • rigoramortisI guess its great that maybe it didnt come from McDonalds? Because you know..That one lady some years back got 2nd and 3rd degree burns.. It would have been a loss on your end.
  • dylan_bunio@_thinkforyourself_
  • yungexpressDudes look at what he typed for this picture ...this is why I fucking love randy and lamb of god!!!! \m/ @bringonthecon @_john_0420_
  • gtagodhahahahahahah XD oh man didnt see that comin in the bio good om glad randy XD
  • dr.acu7aOmg... Solstafir! C:
  • pac_man85@lizguz88 😂 something funny! Plus, you should check out his page seeing that you're into the camera thing, he takes some awesome photos
Log in to like or comment.