thoughtcatalogIn all honesty, anxiety makes you look like an asshole.
I don’t reach out to people.
I’m terrified of talking on the phone and starting conversations with strangers. I’m even scared of texting certain friends and coming on too strong. So I wait too long to answer back. I don’t let on that I care.
But I care more than anyone realizes. I care so much it hurts.
I come across as a snob, because I find it hard to talk, hard to force a smile. But I’m not trying to be rude. I’m only trying to survive.
I’m not a good conversationalist — and it makes me seem like a shitty friend.
I don’t jump into conversations. I’m quiet in groups. People assume that I’m sitting there, judging them, but I’m just in awe of how easily they can communicate. How natural it is for them. How human they are.
Of course, they don’t realize that I have anxiety. They just think I’m quiet. Shy.
No, they don’t realize I have anxiety, because I’m not shaking at the table and hyperventilating into a paper bag. My meltdowns happen before I see them.
The night before, on my drive there, in the car — I’m freaking out the entire time. Imagining all of the things that could go wrong. Picturing how embarrassed I’ll be.
But when I’m finally in public, I internalize everything. I’m still anxious. I’m just not showing it. Secretly, I’m freaking out over what I look like. Freaking out over what to say next. Freaking out over why someone across the room gave me a strange look.
And if I need to compose myself, I’ll escape to the bathroom and heavy breathe inside of a stall or splash water across my face, and then walk back into the room like I’m perfectly fine.
But I’m not fine. Anxiety makes sure I’m never fine.
It makes me turn down opportunities that I know I’d enjoy. It makes me stay quiet when I have something important to say.
It makes me look like an asshole.
- intanqonitaholy shit I thought it was written by me @devyanwarz
- slayingpensFeels ☹
- eyeskateandsheetMe 😔 @biiiillabong
- _shinnosuke_007I knew she has anxiety I said her don't be like this I asked her what happened . But I'm not the right person to ask i think😞
- plumkrazy35I would take out the word asshole. Snob yes. Been called that all to often until someone dares to break the bubble that I keep myself in in public. Asshole? No. Everything else in this blog is perfect. Not trying to be negative just helpful.
- raiipgiDamn @azyanpgo but, the part you escape ke toilet.. I know for sure you behapa 😛😷
- whogoatmemsRealizing its true
- snarglesthecatThis is exactly how I feel. Thank you for putting this in words. ❤
- sonalifotedar@harsh15khanna relatable
- the_taste_of_escapeThis sums up my life.. This is a great piece of writing, it's nice to be reminded that I'm not the only one.
- firstname.lastname@example.org @yuri_machida 🙃
- nerearnque guay @elenaxvl
- fuck_the_fucking_fuckers@manuelthealien ummm
- baconpancakes2000Is it bad that this is extremely relatable @xtabbicatx
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