As I laid in bed this weekend, napping after a wonderful yoga class and brunch with dear friends, I thought about my history with my own body.

And it dawned on me: I actually never hated it. I just believed I had to.

Because so many told me "don't you want to be thinner?" So many said "You'd be pretty if you just lost some weight." I believed them, and to make people happy, I tried to be smaller.

And what that really did was dimish my own voice and ability to take up the physical space that my mind, heart, personality wanted to. 
How I truly felt, thought, interacted and talked to my own body - well, the hate was never there. 
It was so confusing and frustrating to look in the mirror and not nessisarily see a person who should change...but do I trust their judgments or my own experience?

I think that's why today, I focus so much on how I FEEL inside my body. How it moves, senses - I listen. I try to listen even better than the day before.

There's a lot of wisdom in shutting up. 
While we cannot change our pasts, we can change our relationship TO the past. 
And all along, even when I was totally unable to trust in myself, my body was quietly waiting for me.

Like it knew "someday, you'll figure this out girl." And I did believe that. I still do believe that. 
Not out of hate, not out of spite, not even out of body is the same as it's been all along: right here with me. #moretoloveyoga leggings by @lineagewear photo from @mfaboston
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