peachesandpotatoesHas your world ever turned upside down after losing a loved one? 💔 Have you ever known someone who's grieving and not known what to say or do? For tonight's #SundaySisterhood we're talking about losing a loved one, what that's like, and how we can be there for each other as women. To join this #SundaySisterhood chat:
1️⃣ Answer the question in this post.👇
2️⃣ Tap the image to go to the next account tagged.👆
3️⃣ Follow her account, then like + answer the next post.
4️⃣ Follow all the accounts in this chat loop (like + answer all the posts) until you get back here!
5️⃣ As always, remember to be thoughtful and compassionate. ❤️
P.S. Keep following along so you don’t miss our weekly chats! Next week we'll be talking about losing a child, and about cancer the following week. Read all the comments from our first 3 chats on divorce, infertility, and depression at www.peachesandpotatoes.com. If you'd like to host a chat, message Jenny @peachesandpotatoes.🍑)
QUESTION: What are some things I can say (or that I shouldn't say) to show support for someone grieving the loss of a loved one? ANSWER: I've actually never lost someone really close to me, so it's hard for me to even imagine the pain and shock someone feels when a person she loves dies. I'm so interested to hear from you who have! ❤️ I did a little research on what I've heard called "the grief circle." I like this simple idea: that you focus comfort and love towards someone who's grieving and the people closest to her, and whatever emotions you're going through stay outside this circle. Love, sympathy, and listening are most comforting. Giving her advice or telling her about the hard things you've been through are not as helpful. Also, being in the center of the "circle," she gets to say whatever she needs to say! I think that's when that listening ear really comes in handy. 🍑
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- thecozyhomechroniclesI recently lost my grandfather and what I appreciated most was the physical presence of friends and family especially those who offered me the comfort of sitting in silence. There were far too many people trying to "cheer up" by telling funny stories about him or talking as if he's already in heaven or just talking nonstop and I just found it so frustrating. It was like for their own comfort they were trying to sweep death under the rug and distract themselves through idle chatter. Sometimes you don't need to say anything but be in such a way as to give a person space to cry (because it's normal and therapeutic) and reflect (because it makes us better people when we pause to think about how short life is).
- thenewb3cThe grief circle is great. Also, (and I'm saying this as a pastor's wife and not from a non-faith perspective), it is never helpful to say, "Everything happens for a reason." or "It's all part of God's plan." Basically if it's a cliche, don't say it. There are a couple of reasons for this: probably the first and foremost being that a statement that supposedly is intended to comfort really brings more shame to the person for not being okay. In the moment, it really translates, "Just suck it up. You shouldn't feel sad. Shame on you for not being stronger." The second reason is that they are just not helpful in directing the thought processes in the appropriate way. "Everything happens for a reason" can get twisted in the mourning mind to "what did I do wrong to deserve this/ cause this to happen." And it may be true that God has a plan and this works into it, but the mourning mind may not be able to see it in the death-brings-life perspective but become fixated on being angry at God for "planning" it. Basically if it might evoke guilt, shame, regret, or resentment, don't say it. Don't try to be "smart". Remember the loved one. Don't be afraid to talk about them. It's just as hard to feel like the world is trying to make it as though the object of your affection never existed. I know my mother in law has trouble with feeling like people have "forgotten" my father in law. Be available. If you say you're praying for someone, be willing to actually pray with them in the present moment that you tell them that. Be willing to help bring food, watch kids, clean house etc., but don't force your presence. Just caring is the best.
- tristansstainedglassVery nice :)
- peachesandpotatoes@theshaulisfamily I agree! It's the best thing to say when you don't know what to say and it really does help people feel loved!
- peachesandpotatoes@heartofdeborah that's so true, anything to show you're thinking of them!
- peachesandpotatoes@lenae_hamman "I'm here for you" actually means the most at a time like this! Nobody has the answers. Love is the only real answer.
- peachesandpotatoes@bitsofsweetness I love that! Being there physically and not just saying you're there for her...that's real love!
- peachesandpotatoes@aharmonmoore thank you so much! I couldn't agree more. Sometimes I feel like everyone is taking a meal...should I? But all the meals coming in are evidence of how many people love them and are thinking of them. I don't think you can have too much of that!
- peachesandpotatoes@tanacastleberry so beautiful. I'm so sorry for your and Paul's loss. I know your family was hit hard by that, and I also love how you made it a beautiful experience too by celebrating Brandon for the person he was. Hugs and remembering together are such simple and wonderful ideas! Thank you my friend.
- peachesandpotatoes@sundayswithstacie oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your loss. And for your accident you just shared the other day! You've been through a lot! I love how you said it's those simple things--coffee and kindness--that meant the most.
- peachesandpotatoes@elainavos a beautiful summary! I love it. Hugs, spending time together, talking about him, texts, listening...so simple and so powerful.
- peachesandpotatoes@katiecampbell that's so powerful!! I felt the same way after my miscarriages. The typical answers made it worse. You can believe in God's promises and still be feeling mad or sad! I'm so glad you had friends who were there to listen and let you grieve.
- peachesandpotatoes@picklemama0616 thank you! Yes, it never really goes away. God truly does understand our pain and hurts with us when we hurt!
- peachesandpotatoes@alifewithalittle I love that! Being open to their cues. Not having expectations for someone else's grief. So important! Thank you! I'm so sorry for your husband's loss.
- peachesandpotatoes@klein_kmf I'm so so sorry for your losses my friend. Thank you for sharing. It's got to be so hard. I love what you said about asking questions!! That's one that hasn't been mentioned but I think it's so powerful. It shows a real interest and love and lets someone who's grieving talk about it in the way she needs to.
- peachesandpotatoes@thesimplemama yes that's so true! It isn't just at the funeral or on the anniversary but could be at any moment. I'm so sorry for your losses my friend, that is heart breaking. And so beautiful to believe that God has a plan to use you as His instrument through theses losses. ❤️
- peachesandpotatoes@thecozyhomechronicles I'm so sorry for your loss; thank you so much for sharing. You're a lovely one to follow, by the way--not just your images but your message. I often crave quiet too. Silence can truly be the best therapy! Don't be afraid of not knowing what to say. Saying nothing might be the best thing after all!
- peachesandpotatoes@thenewb3c I couldn't have put it better! I completely agree about cliches not being helpful, and the simple act of remembering (rather than trying to negate a loss) shows so much love. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your losses.
- thecozyhomechronicles@peachesandpotatoes thank you for your kind words ❤This sisterhood chat is such a wonderful thing that you host! The few times I have participated have really helped me a lot 💐
- peachesandpotatoes@thecozyhomechronicles thank you, that seriously means SO much to me, and I'm so thankful it has meant something to you. Much love my friend! 🍑
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