I want to talk about my #postpartum body. There is a lot of emotion that goes with gaining weight during pregnancy. I gained 15 lbs in 6 months. And then, after everything, I gained about 5 more. I am 20 lbs heavier and two sizes bigger than I was pre-pregnancy. And I am not okay with my body. I think I would've been okay if Evie was here, although she would've likely still been cooking inside me. The fact that I am bigger than I normally am and don't have my baby makes it harder. I dealt with a postpartum body after Brennan. And I was uncomfortable in my larger body, but it grew my beautiful little man and how could I be upset with it when I looked at him? Every day I get clothes on and they're tight. And every day I'm reminded that I grew my baby for six months and she died. It really is a constant reminder to me. I don't have love for my body. I am angry at it right now. I can't be body positive right now. It's too hard and it hurts too much. I'm working on losing this weight so it isn't one more thing that is a constant reminder. I really think my hormones are making it difficult to do so with my normal routine. That's why I enlisted the help of a friend who is a personal trainer. I'm really hoping it helps me. Because looking in the mirror at my uncovered body hurts.  #postpartumbody #grief #loss #motherhood #motherhoodrising #fourthtrimesterbodiesproject #fourthtrimesterbody #takebackpostpartum #evelynlouisemccoy
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  • habe_mccoyI want to talk about my #postpartum body. There is a lot of emotion that goes with gaining weight during pregnancy. I gained 15 lbs in 6 months. And then, after everything, I gained about 5 more. I am 20 lbs heavier and two sizes bigger than I was pre-pregnancy. And I am not okay with my body. I think I would've been okay if Evie was here, although she would've likely still been cooking inside me. The fact that I am bigger than I normally am and don't have my baby makes it harder. I dealt with a postpartum body after Brennan. And I was uncomfortable in my larger body, but it grew my beautiful little man and how could I be upset with it when I looked at him? Every day I get clothes on and they're tight. And every day I'm reminded that I grew my baby for six months and she died. It really is a constant reminder to me. I don't have love for my body. I am angry at it right now. I can't be body positive right now. It's too hard and it hurts too much. I'm working on losing this weight so it isn't one more thing that is a constant reminder. I really think my hormones are making it difficult to do so with my normal routine. That's why I enlisted the help of a friend who is a personal trainer. I'm really hoping it helps me. Because looking in the mirror at my uncovered body hurts. #postpartumbody #grief #loss #motherhood #motherhoodrising #fourthtrimesterbodiesproject #fourthtrimesterbody #takebackpostpartum #evelynlouisemccoy

  • galiiieeeI'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for your Words. I lost my little Valentin. Wonderful post 🎈✨
  • souwou1I'm really so sorry for your loss, my best wishes for all of you from Tampere, Finland ❤❤❤❤
  • larocheangeliqueBonjour , désolé pour votre bébé, je partage votre douleur ,
  • eshilstonYou're so brave. I'm very sorry for your loss.
  • _nesha3I'm so sorry for you loss. Hang in there.❤️
  • beckypembertonHi @habe_mccoy. Thanks for sharing your honest post. Is there an email I can contact you on?
  • rachel_jade89My heart broke reading this, you are incredibly brave! Im so sorry for your loss ❤
  • sun_picture_desk_Hi Jessica. I'm so very sorry to hear about what you've been through. The Sun Online would like to speak with you regarding telling your story and using your pictures. If you'd be so kind as to contact us via the email below, that would be much appreciated. Many thanks, Holly, The Sun Online digitalpictures-sm@thesun.co.uk
  • carolinelorca43Bonjour Jessica, j'ai lu ton témoignage qui fait le tour du net et qui a fini par arriver en France. Je tenais à te montrer tout mon soutien dans cette épreuve qu'aucune femme ni famille ne devrait vivre. Ton témoignage m'a bouleversé. Il est poignant ! J'aimerai trouver les mots pour t'aider à traverser cette épreuve.... mais ce m'est impossible. Jessica ... tu es une femme forte par ton caractère.... tu as eu le courage de montrer ce que beaucoup de femme vivent avec leur corps ... tu as eu le courage de montrer ce corps post grossesse mais avec la douleur de ne pas avoir ton enfant auprès de toi ... et pour ça je te remercie... Merci de vouloir briser ce silence douloureux ! Merci et encore merci ! Je souhaite que la vie t'apporte maintint tout le bonheur que toi et ta famille mérite.
  • elisabetemendes376Bonjour j'ai vécu cela il y a 6 ans et aujourd'hui je pleure toujours la perte de ma petite fille ❤ courage. Kisses
  • classy_k215Sorry for your loss
  • hedia.gCourage Jessica! J'admire ton courage! Ta petite fille sera tjrs auprès de toi et te donnera la force d'avancer dans cette dure épreuve...take care ❤️
  • mommyofbeautifulmonkeyI am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
  • ebbie34Thank you for sharing your story. Having had multiple miscarriages I cannot imagine being put in your position. I am sendin you positive thoughts, prayers & blessings and thank you for helping others! THIS WILL HELP MANY WOMEN as these subjects are taboo and we need to start talking about them and supporting each other. xoxo
  • ebbie34#RIPLittleAngelEvie and condolences to your family.
  • shiax7You still look beautiful and Im sending you lots of love. The hardest makes you the strongest.
  • tracyturboI was in your situation 8 years ago. You are SO BRAVE and selfless! Thank you for sharing!
  • habe_mccoy@tracyturbo I'm so sorry @tracyturbo. Thank you for sharing. 💓
  • jlernoI am so very sorry. Two and a half years ago my husband and I experienced a similar heartbreak in the 19th week of our very first pregnancy. Our little man, John, was diagnosed with spina bifida. We were looking at paralysis, no control of bodily functions, brain damage. We could see that his brain was being pulled towards the back of his skull. We knew we had to end it for his sake and ours. It was the cruelest position we ever imagined being put in. I remember that feeling looking in the mirror in the months after. 😔 So very true, it's not about vanity or self esteem. If anything, I became less vain afterwards because it seemed like such a small thing to care about in comparison. And it's hard to find people who understand first hand from experience because it's not talked about. Too controversial... too taboo... too devastating for polite conversation. And besides we are too hurt already to risk putting ourselves out there for judgement. I truly admire your bravery in posting this because even now almost 3 years later I'm barely making little steps towards opening up about it beyond friends and family. 👏🏼❤️ thank you!
  • habe_mccoy@jlerno I'm so sorry. My baby also has SB. And a chromosomal deletion. Her SB was very low on her spine and the prognosis was great. But the deletion made every but of hope disappear.
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