Not feeling so hot.

I haven't worked out in a few days and I can't tell you how much anxiety I feel not having the autonomy to even make myself walk to my kitchen to heat up soup. I can't even seem to do any sort of homework because i dont have the mental energy to. Nothing digests properly, I have the stomach bug and that consists of fever, hot and cold chills, heart palpitations, gas, and diarrhea.

Last night, I woke up 3 times to use the washroom and each time I stayed for 30-45 minutes, contracting my diagram, bending over my fists on my stomach, sitting up straight rinse and repeat-- a strategy i developed to release gas and ~other stuff~. If you taped me, I would've looked like I was giving birth or going hysterical!

I woke up pretty hysterical from the lack of sleep and pain. I called my dad because I wanted some comfort from the loneliness and sympathy, but he only yelled at me to take medication and gave me not such much the fatherly figure I knew he never was. I don't know why I tried when I knew better. I got an anxiety attack as a result. Lack of sleep causes poor decisions!

The sickness, poor sleep, anxiety, and guilt from not being productive and not working out(I feel so stiff from being bedridden) and loneliness is a lot to deal with, but now I feel just a little better than yesterday. I hope I recover soon.

Never take your autonomy for granted. It's the worst thing to be taken from you.
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