Hi! We should talk about rape culture and how to teach consent to our kiddos. Especially our boys. Fewer girls rape people than boys do, so our boys are a good place to concentrate first. 
My kids' friends talk to me about tricky stuff. I don't know why -- maybe they've all googled me so they know I sure as hell can't judge them. Anyway, recently one of my tween's friends was at our house and told me that every time he gave his girlfriend a hug at school, she seemed stiff anduncomfortable. "Hm..." I said. "Did you ask her if she wanted a hug before you hugged her?"
"A couple months ago I asked her if we could hug at school and she said yes."
"Hm. Okay. That's good. But here's the thing about affection and touching girls: You have to ask them EVERY NEW TIME. With your words. You cannot ask with your eyes or hands or arms or anything other than your words. If you want to hold T's hand....you have to say, every single time..."T, can I hold your hand?" Her yes two months ago means nothing today. Her yes an hour ago means nothing right now. You start over every single time. And you listen not just for her consent but her ENTHUSIASM. You ask and listen. Every time."
"Really?"
"REALLY. So, if you want to hug T, you say: "Can I hug you?" If you want to kiss T, you say: "Can i kiss you?" If you want to hold her hand you say: "Can i hold your hand?" Every single time. And if she wants to touch you, she should ask your permission first as well. We ask to pet each other's DOGS, you guys. We DEFINITELY ask to pet each other's BODIES."
"MOM. Gross."
"Yeah, well. "
"We're gonna play Wii."
"Good. I'm sweating."
The end.
8,762 likes
  • glennondoylemeltonHi! We should talk about rape culture and how to teach consent to our kiddos. Especially our boys. Fewer girls rape people than boys do, so our boys are a good place to concentrate first.
    My kids' friends talk to me about tricky stuff. I don't know why -- maybe they've all googled me so they know I sure as hell can't judge them. Anyway, recently one of my tween's friends was at our house and told me that every time he gave his girlfriend a hug at school, she seemed stiff anduncomfortable. "Hm..." I said. "Did you ask her if she wanted a hug before you hugged her?"
    "A couple months ago I asked her if we could hug at school and she said yes."
    "Hm. Okay. That's good. But here's the thing about affection and touching girls: You have to ask them EVERY NEW TIME. With your words. You cannot ask with your eyes or hands or arms or anything other than your words. If you want to hold T's hand....you have to say, every single time..."T, can I hold your hand?" Her yes two months ago means nothing today. Her yes an hour ago means nothing right now. You start over every single time. And you listen not just for her consent but her ENTHUSIASM. You ask and listen. Every time."
    "Really?"
    "REALLY. So, if you want to hug T, you say: "Can I hug you?" If you want to kiss T, you say: "Can i kiss you?" If you want to hold her hand you say: "Can i hold your hand?" Every single time. And if she wants to touch you, she should ask your permission first as well. We ask to pet each other's DOGS, you guys. We DEFINITELY ask to pet each other's BODIES."
    "MOM. Gross."
    "Yeah, well. "
    "We're gonna play Wii."
    "Good. I'm sweating."
    The end.

  • jge9802You just get it so right. Every. Single. Time.
  • beansf@jake.greenblatt just because she said it better than I do
  • jule.west@glennondoylemelton thank you for sharing the graphic I shared that was shared with me by @speedythemonkey. I am a huge sister-fan of yours and grateful for your work, writings, and voice. As a physician in Nashville, TN who cares for homeless women (and men), I see the devastation of sexual trauma played out on so many levels in my patients, life-long battles with mental illness and addiction. We have got to do better as a society. Love to you.
  • kathleennewbernI love this about as much as I do the analogy to making a cup of tea for someone.
  • katiejeanworrell@ciciprisco you would like her. I have a book she wrote and she's a Christian 💗
  • ritawingfield"Good, I'm sweating" lol!! Nice talk mom, you rock!!👍
  • aweshots@glennondoylemelton http://youtu.be/JjPMsjphCUU
  • vannacb@kdbarnett
  • bernbroGreat post. Thank you!!
  • oceanstarsnightskyYou'll like this, @feministcaitlin
  • danielle_t.m.s._butler@redsunflowers68
  • stefa320@lyssy1211
  • lisabel7@glennondoylemelton -- The Brits explain sexual consent like asking someone if they would like a cup of tea. It's brilliant! (Warning--there's some bad language...) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
  • beth.hubbardhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ
  • rzisredI love this. I was talking to someone the other night who said that rapes on campus were caused by kids showing poor judgement, meaning both women and men. I remember saying that no matter how much someone has had to drink consent is consent. Without it, you do nothing.
  • elizabeth.l.lopez@sarahdawnross read the whole thing
  • daykarobinson@jenniferarnise I've always loved this.
  • jenniferarnise@daykarobinson the kind of mom I want to be for sure!!
  • daykarobinson@angie_knows_travel
  • lizrussell22@kayro1010
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